Sunday, October 7, 2012

Fell off back on my feet now...

I want to photograph til the day I die and I never want to loose my passion.
I love being behind a camera and creating. I never want it to become a chore. I haven't touched my camera pertaining personal work since july. It was becoming a chore...people were making it a chore for me and I hated it. I never want to hate the thing I love doing most. So I stopped. I would rather not shoot, plan, retouch anything and cause people angst then to stop loving the thing I'm most passionate about in this world. I cant see myself doing anything else.
So I've probably pissed a few people trying to keep my passion and love for what I do. That is more important than anything to me tbh. 
I'm way too blessed to have the talent that I have. For my artistic eyes that I've been given, for the way my mind works . I'm farr to blessed to know what I want to do for the rest of my life and to be gradually be becoming more successful at a meer hobby that once upon a time this was and competitive field such as this. I'm way to blessed to burn out.
I took on more than I could bear. I'm quite happy to shoot a thousand pictures and produce one from the shoot. One still from the quiet thought I had before my vision turned into a frame. Others don't understand that. People will expect to have those same thousand pictures even though they may not be at all good. I'd rather release one good picture then many mediocre or bad ones.
Some people don't appreciate art like I do and its not their fault but its become a strain on me and I can't hold this weight any longer.
Ever had the feeling you get when you hear the first few bars of a song that you've never heard before and you immediately love it, you play it a million times until its inked into your head and you feel excited every time you hear it? 
I feel that way about my good ones.I love to feel that way about others art feel inspired is want I yearn for most when looking at art and If I don't feel excited for the work I've produced I don't feel its good enough. Sometimes I can fall in love with a picture that I never saw as good before but to show the world something I've created that I don't love? I'd rather not give it up.
So I'm back studying photography at university now running my business part time and trying to get through the load of work I accumulated over the summer and promptly ignored through my hiatus. I'm going to take it slowly and only shoot once I've finished with the project at hand so I don't get in over my head again especially now I have university deadlines. 
But I wont let you make me hate it. I wont hate what I love I'd rather you hate me first.